humor_on_line9

NEW JOKES FOR ALL .. SOME MIGHT BE A LITTLE OLDER

It seems that when the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of a normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge.

Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the monkey. "Ten is plenty." Man spoke up and said: "May I have the other 10 years?"
The monkey agreed.

The Lord called on the lion and also gave him 20 years. The lion, too, wanted only 10. Again Man spoke up. "May I have the other 10 years?" "Of course," said the lion.

Then came the donkey, who was also given 20 years. Like the others, 10 years was enough for him. Man again asked for the spare 10 years and he got them.

Thus explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion about it and 10 years of
making a jackass out of himself.

A stupid woman goes to the drugstore to pick
up a box of condoms for her and her boyfriend.
The clerk rings them up, and asks for $1.06.
The woman says "I thought they were only a dollar."

The clerk says that the 6 cents is for the tax.

The woman gets all wide eyed and says
"I thought you just rolled them on!"

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote
part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback
came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The
ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian
would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the
surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service
station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the
service station attendant.

"Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on
the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his
saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."

Q: Did you hear about the new combination

of Viagra and Doan's pills?

A: It's so the back won't peter out and

the peter won't back out.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled
by their maker.